Top ten, must ask, first date questions.

Dating is fun. Well actually, it’s a total fucking nightmare but when shallow anonymous hookups from Tinder fail to fill the void, you have no choice but to get to know new people on a personal level. Scary I know…. But let’s have some fun with it.

Have you ever been married?
Why ask? Right off the bat you learn a lot about the person. While you might not want to go into details about what happened, it’s something to be aware of
My answer: Yup, once and I will never do that shit again..

Do you have any pre existing mental health issues?
Why ask? I’ve got my own shit to deal with and it’s fine if you do, as long as you’re doing what you need to do to stay healthy and minimize your symptoms. I’ve dated enough crazy chicks, I don’t need that shit…
My answer: Yup…. Plenty…

Do you have any kids?
Why ask? Cause I’m not step daddy material and, much like getting pegged, I’m not too interested in trying no matter how many people say it feels fulfilling.
My answer: Not that I know of but I’ve been a slut and I travel a lot so….

Ever been to jail?
Why ask? It relevant….
My answer: Not really…. I was put in a phone booth until my boss bailed me out. Come to think about it, I know I’ve dated chicks who’ve been arrested but I don’t think I’ve ever banged one who’s done time….

Do you smoke weed?
Why ask? Because if not sorry, it’s just not going to work out. I’ve been with a few who didn’t and they’re always cool at the start but it always becomes an issue at the end.
My answer: What was the question again? Oh yes, I think foxes would make great pets based on their friendly disposition.

Are you fucking anyone else?
Why ask? Because I don’t want to assume anything, I want to know what I’m getting into and if anyone else is getting into it as well. I’m too old to play games.
My answer: Yup, and I’m writing this while on the bus to go see her now.

Are you a Trump supporter?
Why ask? Because I don’t fuck bigots……
My answer: no…no I’m not.

How much do you normally tip?
Why ask? Because a date is a date but crew is family. Just because I don’t work at a place doesn’t mean I won’t stick up for my crew.
My answer: 20% or more, always.

Are you on birth control?

Why ask? Because I sure as fuck don’t want kids and want to know exactly what I’m getting into, pun fully intended.

My answer : I do lots of drugs.

Now, there’s obviously a lot of things I didn’t cover on this but that’s part of the whole getting to know each other organically thing. I will say this in closing, none of this shit really matters since, in my experience at least, it always comes down to chemistry. If you don’t have it, you can’t fake it and if you do, it’s pointless to fight it.

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