Well, it turns out that I am either as dumb as I look or just crazy, the doctors are still debating. I’ve talked before about facing the Bear both in the literal and metaphorical sense. This morning as I was taking my second sip of coffee, I got to do just that. No, it wasn’t a thousand pound Grizzly, unfortunately, but the motherfucker wasn’t small and it was a lot closer than the photo shows. While it’s easy for a lot of people to talk shit and act tough, until you’re staring at something that could easily overpower and kill you, you don’t know what you might do.
My personal opinion is that, other than being a pedophile or a nazi, the worst thing a man can be is a coward. I’m going to die and I am more than ready for that, but damned if I’m going to die begging for my life.
My first thought was “Oh fuck, this is what I get.”
“This is what I get for talking shit about standing up to a bear” while at the same time reaching for my knife. The thing is, I’ve never pulled my knife unless I had every intention to use it. Secondly, I had woken up less than 20 minutes prior. I’m not responsible for anything I do before I’ve had coffee and smokes. I’ll also be honest, I have a death wish. Then I realized that if I did survive, no one would believe me if I didn’t have photos so I took a few.
Fortunately, something inside its little bear mind understood what “Fuck off!!” means and it looked at me as I took a few steps towards it and it fucked off and ran into the woods. Please also understand that I would never in a million years want to hurt an animal unless it was for food. I’ve lived in places like Yellowstone and Alaska and have nothing but respect for the wildlife and do my best to keep my distance. I’m fully aware of how quickly a wild animal can fuck you up. Still, I’m not going out like a bitch.
It’s not really the Bear that you’re facing
It’s your own fear. Even if you never set foot in the woods, you will at some point have some heavy shit blindside you. It might be a sudden death, a break-up, the loss of a job, sickness, whatever. But it’s going to happen and how you handle these situations that truly defines you as a person. Do you run or do you stand and fight?
Last week I had to deal with one of the biggest assholes on earth. He thought it would be funny to try to stir up shit and I made it clear exactly what I thought of him. He’s not the guy that most people have the balls to stand up to and the fact of the matter is, he’s probably going to beat my ass the next time he sees me in person. I’m fine with that, I’ve had my ass kicked before by far better men. What I won’t do is let this motherfucker continue his bullshit. The only reason people like him get away with this kind of thing is that most people are too fucking afraid to stand up. The simple fact is that, by not being afraid of this idiot, I’ve taken him down a few notches already and from what I understand, I really pissed him off. Yes, I’m provoking him, yes, I’m mindfucking him. Most of his power comes from people’s fear of him and once you take that away, he’s just another white trash piece of shit with anger issues.
I’ve faced a lot of Bears this year.
I say this in total sincerity, the past 18 months have been by far some of the most difficult and trying of my entire life. I’ve had to face losing damn near everything I owned, the woman I love and my own sanity. I’ve also had to come to terms with my own role in these situations which I’ve found to be a lot harder than it sounds when you get brutally honest with yourself.
Even this last road trip was a test. No, there wasn’t a happy ending, I didn’t win back the girl but let me tell you this. I can live with the fact that I did what I did and put everything on the line, she was worth it and I’d do it a thousand times over for a chance. What I can’t fucking live with is being a coward and not taking that chance. Say what you will but it took balls and heart to pull that off and those of you who don’t understand, you’ve never been in love and for that, I feel sorry for you.
We’re all facing our own shit and if you don’t have shit going on, you must have a boring life. Figure out what you want and stop making excuses. If a stupid motherfucker like me can ride 6,000 miles across the US on 250 sports bike with next to no experience, what the fuck is your excuse? You might not be able to get the degree overnight, you might get knocked around and face a few setbacks. Chances are, if it’s really worth it, the odds are going to be stacked ten to one against you and even your inner circle is going to tell you that you’re crazy.
Fuck that, do it anyways. Figure it out what your Bear is and go charge at that motherfucker full blast. Got an asshole boss? Put him in his place! Hate the way you look? First off, love yourself, if you’re reading this site you’re awesome, but then take charge and fix that shit. Stuck in a shitty relationship? End it, it’s not worth it, being alone sucks but not as much as being with someone you don’t love.
When you get done reading this, I want you to ask yourself “What is my Bear and what the fuck am I going to do about it?”. On that note, I will leave you with some words from Maynard Keenan, a man much wiser than I.
Find a way, through, around or over….find a way.