2018: Getting sucker punched back to my senses

So since “year in reviews” are the trending thing and I need all the traffic I can get, here’s ours. What the fuck happened? Seriously, what in the fuck happened?!! I’m high as a kite right now and have zero intention of sleep anytime soon since I’m busting my ass trying to get things ready for the upcoming year.

So lets review

After interviewing the Daro Behroozi, the sax player from the Lucky Chops, the travel bug bit my ass and I was able to scrape together enough cash to get the first three events of the Documentary done. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you’re high and driven to make a point and the simple fact that we pulled it off was a miracle given the fact that….

We got hacked

So some of you might have been wondering what the hell happened and why the site was down for a bit last April. Well a week prior to us leaving for Cali, we got hacked and lost over 5 years worth of material. While I had backups of a lot of it, it’s still been a pain in the ass to get everything reformatted especially when….

I split up with my abusive junkie mick girlfriend.

Before you give me any shit about calling that cunt a mick, I’m Scottish so I can get away with it. Second, if you had any idea how bad things got before she moved out or how many times she threatened to call the cops on me, you would understand. While I could go into a whole article trashing the bitch, it’s pointless and I consider myself lucky to have gotten out of a bad situation. In regards to the website, she locked me out of the internet router thus causing a major delay in rebuilding the site. Oh, and she also took out every light bulb in the Apartment when she moved out since petty knows no limits.

Then I fell in love

This is still an extremely sore subject for me but for three short months I was happy. This might not sound like a big deal for you but I’m not a very light hearted person and it’s damn near impossible for me to really be in the moment unless I’m on the motorcycle. When I was with her, nothing else mattered. I turned my phone off and the real world could go fuck itself. When I was with her I was with her and in all honesty, it’s one of the few times in my life I felt truly loved and felt like I was good enough. Then I lost my mind.

We lost Bourdain

It still twists my stomach every time I have to type that. It’s not even the fact that we lost him, it’s how we lost him that hurts the most. The news that morning was a punch to the gut and even though the bastard had never responded to my request for an interview, I like to the think that he would have at least respected my intentions with this. The simple fact that a guy who had such a massive impact on both Chefs and the general public and inspired so many guys like me to start taking food seriously, spent his final moments in fear and despair. He deserved better.

After 25 years in the industry I snapped

Looking back 6 months later, the whole situation was a perfect storm. I was working with a great manager yet we had two major hurdles. First off, as any Chef will tell you, the labor pool right now sucks and I was stuck working people who I wouldn’t have hired but I was stuck with. Then we also had an owner who was a living Mountain Dew commercial. My sous burnt his hand, the know it all culinary student freaking out (in an open Kitchen) over recipes that I knew sucked yet couldn’t change. Honestly the details are all a blur now but I remember walking home from work and spending way too much time looking down over the edge of the Ballard bridge. I was in a bad place and knew that it wasn’t going to get better so I made the choice to walk away. I’m still cooking, I’m just not running other peoples Kitchens any more. I’m not going to lie, I miss it but in the state I’m currently in, it’s going to be a while before I’m mentally able to handle the stress of dealing with the bullshit. Even if I could, why the fuck would I want to cook by someones else’s rules anymore unless I’m simply whoring myself out for cash to pay for rent and drugs.

Then shit got worse.

I’m not going to blame it on the LSD but it sure as hell didn’t help. The guy we got the stuff from might not have been Loki incarnate but he was certainly manifesting himself that night. Two hits of high quality acid and it was clear that we were in the presence of something greater then ourselves and while it should have brought us together, it emphasized certain fundamental differences that neither of us wanted to face. Bonus points for the most awkward first meeting of the parents since she freaked out and called them to drive three hours to come pick us up. A week later she moved out and I didn’t take it well.

I let go

So fuck sugar coating it, I was suicidal for two months straight. It wasn’t just about losing either of the chicks, there were several other factors at play I was also forced to face some very ugly truths about myself on top of everything else that I had going on. . It was bad and a whole lot of you read about it.

What you don’t realize is that I published that article on my break at work then proceeded to lose my shit within a half an hour of clocking back in. I ended up walking home 3 miles in the middle of twisted two lane road with my headphones in and on full blast, praying that some jackass would come flying around the corner and take me out. In my mind it accomplished the same goal of suicide without the nasty stigma of it. Obviously rednecks are used to swerving out of the way of dear and the sum total of 4 people who drove passed me probably just thought I was stoned or drunk on a late Friday night.

The good news is it woke me up.

While I sure as fuck wouldn’t ever recommend going anywhere near as close to the edge as I came, it was a very liberating experience that opened my eyes. When you’re not afraid to die, you see things in a whole new way and most of life’s bullshit sorta fades away. Yes you get reckless and do stupid shit. I had no business riding a 50cc with no front brake but there’s liberation when you stop living in fear of consequence and have the freedom to be reckless and act on impulse from time to time. Fuck living for false ideals and the approval of miserable morons.  

And then I ended up back in Virginia.

Let me tell you that there’s nothing like getting to relive childhood trauma while being home for the holidays for the first time in a decade. There’s a reason I’m staying with Mike and not my “family”. While things started sunny and awesome, shit quickly “escalated” with me and certain abusive drunk. I’m not really sure what I said but it clearly scared the shit out of him. My only regret is that he didn’t get to see the fire in my eyes nor did I get to see the fear in his eyes. I know that I should feel bad and I know it’s petty as fuck but guess what, I don’t. Honestly, I think I might have helped him wake up and face what a total piece of shit he is and change his ways before it’s too late but then I realize it’s late and I am clearly high as fuck….

I love my family but trust me when I say that we are a very special kind of special. Despite everything, we somehow managed to grant my mother her wish of getting all three of her kids in the same room for the first time in 13 years. This folks, is a true holiday miracle.

They’re like cocaine, fun in small doses on a very seldom basis

It hasn’t been all bad.

3/21……Details coming when I figure out what the hell is going on .

Mike’s had this roughed up old 250 Ninja that’s been striped down to the bare bones but still rides like a dream and his lovely wife doesn’t want to pay for insurance on a bike that hasn’t been ridden in months. In other words I’ve got a new bike (suck it Marcia) and big plans for the second part of the Documentary. Mike and I have also teamed up and are now sharing a studio and are working on a lot of projects behind the scenes that we’re looking forward to bringing you in the next few weeks. Hell, we already brought you an interview with Ska Legends Reel Big Fish and one and only Rev Horton Heat and we have a lot more coming soon.

I know how to take an beat down.

I can give one too.

I’m clearly not the biggest or smartest but I know how to take the hits and keep pushing forward despite the odds. I know the chances of me ever really being able to make a living at this are slim to none and yet here it is, three am on New years eve so that I can get this thing edited and published and convince you to share the page with your friends.

2019 is going to be my year.

I’m fully aware how cliche that sound and yet I can honestly say I’ve been putting wheels in motion for a few weeks now I’m going to stop at nothing to get the message to the mainstream and make a major impact on the culinary industry. I’m really looking forward to what we have planned for you fine fans over the next few weeks but I’m afraid that if I tell you know it will not only ruin the surprise but it will also jinx it. Trust me when I say it’s going to be unlike anything you’ve ever seen.

What I can tell you is this, I’ve got not one but two new books coming out over the next few months but in order for it to be worth my time, I really need you guys to take the time to invite your friends to like the page and help us reach more people since let’s face it, I’m too broke to pay for advertising. We are also hitting the road on 3/21 to start working on the second leg of the documentary and we’ll be posting more details as things get sorted out. If you’re interested in either cooking with me or letting me crash at your place, send me a message on facebook and let’s see what we can work out.

The real question is this.

What do you want to see more of? Recipes? Videos? Interviews with cool people? Seriously, you’re the reader, you’re the end consumer and it’s my job to give you articles and content that will inspire you while also keeping you entertained and informed. Believe it or not but I’m doing this whole thing for you and while I can look at the analytics of whats getting liked and shared, I want to here it from you.

Happy New Year…..

Let’s just say that I’m going to visit some very wise friends tomorrow who I haven’t seen in several years. Hopefully it will be a short yet intense trip yet with dealing with these particular entities, time ceases to be a factor and seconds feel like hours in their presence. Good times good times….

As far you fine folks, no matter what you’re doing, be it kissing your lover on a rooftop watching fireworks at home in bed with your dog, I love each and everyone of you who’s been following this site and helping it to continue to grow. Thank you for everything

The last two things

If you’re going out on the town or any social situation, please please please take and Uber or Lyft or Bus or any other means of transportation other than driving if you have been drinking at all. It’s not worth it and really, I need all the readers I can get.

And condoms, make sure you have condoms because you tend to need em when you least expect it. It’s New Years and its better to have them on hand and not need them then kill the mood making a mad dash to the gas station at 3am.

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