You have to be pretty sadistic to enjoy calling customer service. If you have to call em, it means something’s wrong and thus, right off the bat, you’re not going to be happy. The people who you’re dealing with are going to try to help you. It’s up to you on how smooth this process goes.
The good news is that since most people are dicks, if you’re cool, they will often go out of their way to take care of you. Here are a few handy little hints I use whenever I can’t figure it out on my own and have to call em.
Don’t be a dick
You can skip the rest of this if you’re in a rush as long as you remember to just not be a dick. Seriously, take two seconds to write down the name of the person that you’re speaking with and talk to them like a person who’s trying to help you. If you treat them like a friend, they will be sooooo beyond grateful that they’re not getting screamed at that they will go out of their way to get you fixed. When I call customer service I am the happiest motherfucker on earth and you would think I was tripping on X at Disneyland. I ask em how their day is going, I show empathy for how stressful their job is and tell em off the bat that I want to make this as easy as I can for them. They love this kind of shit and half the time I get a new fan for the site because I’m such a nice guy.
Have your info ready
Don’t be that guy who calls pissed off and clueless. They don’t know you, they have no idea what’s going on. If you have your account number, passwords, etc at the ready, you’ll save yourself a ton of time right off the bat and make it a lot easier for them to help you resolve your issue. The better prepared you are, smoother the call will go.
Twist a phatty, use your headphones so you don’t have to hold the phone to your ear the whole time. As much as these people would love to snap their fingers and instantly fix every minor problem you have. It doesn’t work like that and you’re going to be put on hold while they look up information and and find a solution. Have this site on for some cheap entertainment while you wait.
Have a pen and paper ready
You know that they’re going to have stuff you need to write down. Make everyone’s life that much easier by having your shit together. This will also help if something happens and your phone gets disconnected or you have to call back. You won’t have to guess about what you heard since you’ve been smart enough to take notes. You might even be able to speak to the same rep who remembers you as being that one guy that was cool the whole time.
If you fucked up, own it
If you get behind on things I’m not judging, I live paycheck to paycheck myself. If you call and have the attitude of “I’m really sorry, things happened, help me fix it” customer service with bend over backward to take care of you. If you call them and get pissed that they shut off your services they really don’t have to do anything but tell you to pay up or fuck yourself. They want their money and they also want to keep you as a customer so it’s best for both parties to work out some kind of a payment plan. They get what’s owed and you keep the lights on.
They mark your file
They will never admit to it but if you’re a dick to them, they will mark it on your account somehow to let the next service rep who looks you up know that you’re an asshole. Same goes if you’re cool with them. They know right off the bat that you’re easy to work with and that you’re the kind of customer they want to keep.
My Grandfather Dexter used to say that you treat the janitor with the same respect as the CEO and he was a man of action. He the same dude talking to the Gas station attendant as he was with anyone else. If you show respect right off the bat, 90% of people will respond to that. Its why I’ve been able to get away with traveling all over the place since right off the bat I show respect and try to be cool with people.
Just because you can’t see the person you’re talking to, doesn’t mean she couldn’t be your sister or your aunt. I get it, you’re frustrated as hell and calling these people is often a last resort. Just remember, the people you are talking to are not the cause of the problem, they are the ones who will go out of their way to try and fix it. Use your manners, don’t be a dick and show some fucking respect. If you do this, the whole experience will be a breeze for both parties.