The dos and donts of the booty call

Booty calls are awesome when you’re single and don’t have time to date. They are that person you like to fuck, but for various reasons would never want to date. You respect this person but can only deal with them in small doses, when you’re horny, late at night, while drunk and or half asleep.  Here’s a bit of wisdom to help you make the most of it and avoid the typical pitfalls of this kind of relationship. 

If it’s between Midnight and Six Am it’s a Booty Call: This should go without saying but it needs to be said. Unless it’s a crisis, in which case you need to call your friends, family or 911, the only reason you contact your fuckbuddy is to fuck.

Whoever makes the call makes the trip: This is called being polite. If you want to fuck you need to be willing to make the trip. This also helps prevent you from making mistakes if you’re too drunk to drive. I’m a bit of a hypocrite with this, I’ll drop whatever I’ve got going on for a good lay and there’s a reason I leave my ringer on for certain people.

Always have needed supplies at hand: Nothing kills the moment like the two of you looking at eachother naked asking “Do you have a condom?” Same thing goes with things like lube and whatnot. You want to impress your partner, not cause them stress.  

No more than 3 calls per week total: Anything more than this and things get complicated. At the start, if the sex is great this can be overlooked but watch out, this is how people catch feelings for eachother. You need to make sure that you keep this as a side thing and don’t get wrapped up. The first person to fall is the one who gets hurt.  

Spending the night is fine, breakfast is not: It’s late, you want to fuck and pass out, cool. But don’t stick around in the morning, don’t take a shower and don’t stay for coffee. Now I’m not saying to jump up and bail. It’s okay to cuddle for a minute but seriously, get up, get dressed but be polite and get on with your day.

Take turns hosting: Granted, sometimes it’s just easier for various reasons if one person hosts but for the most part, you should switch it up. Variety is fun and it keeps things from getting stale.  

Have a “Go Bag”: I never know what’s going to happen from one minute to the next most of the time and I find it’s always better to be safe than sorry so I keep the basics at hand while keeping it simple. My Chefs knifes, a wine key, condoms, a small first aid kit, a clean t-shirt and a pair of socks and my phone charger etc. I don’t want to be weighted down but I don’t want to get stuck if plans change. There are days that I leave thinking I’ve got a “simple” day in the Kitchen and don’t go home for 3 days.

Get Kinky: Seriously, don’t be afraid to ask questions and be honest with your partner when it comes to this stuff and a fuckbuddy is a great way for you to try new things with. Hell, the two of you might end up finding out you are both into some crazy next level shit. As long as you’re safe and honest, let your freak flag fly and enjoy the flesh.  

Take a shower: If you have 5 minutes it’s never a bad idea to jump in and refresh yourself. This is never a bad idea right before intimate interaction with another person and once again, it’s common courtesy. You want to please and you want to be your best. Then again the exception to this are the freaks that seem to get off on fucking me after I’ve been in a Kitchen for 10 hours. God bless em all…

Have Party favors: It’s always nice to start the encounter with and quick drink or a bowl and some light chit chat and helps to set the mood. You’re not there to make love, you’re there to fuck but at the same time you want to have a good time. Simple fact but in order for the sex to be any good, you have to have some level of trust and respect for who you’re fucking even if it’s just shallow and meaningless.

Don’t fall asleep: Seriously. if you answer the call and the person is on there way, take a minute to get ready and whatever you do, don’t fall asleep and have the person coming over feeling like an ass. It’s just rude but it happens. One way to prevent this is sexting en route. It builds the mood and makes sure the other person is still actively engaged.

Have Fun: Life is way too short to not be out having as much fun as possible and if it feels good then do it. But be smart about it. Use common sense, practice safe sex and be honest with both yourself and your partners. Cook like you fuck and fuck like you cook.  

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